


Normal Guys

by snowkatze



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst and Fluff, Carry On Countdown, M/M, Social Media, anonymous texting, dating app
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 05:13:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12834045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowkatze/pseuds/snowkatze
Summary: Baz texts some guy on a dating app online and tries to forget about his love for Simon Snow.





	Normal Guys

Factually, they're just lines. A machine could be programmed to write lines like that; yes, he might not even be human. It might just be an illusion that has been granted to me. He might not be who he says he is, he might not be anybody at all. They might be lies, because lying is easy under the cloak of anonymity and online, where there's no eye contact, no mimics, no sounds to give you away. I know that it would be easy and that life might be cruel enough to fool me into believing someone would be able to love me. I know they're just lines. But despite all that, I can't help but look at these words and feel like they're not just lines, but hope.

And they make me think that even I could love again, someone who is not Simon Snow. For that, it is not important whether this is real at all, whether anyone could be capable to love me at all, because after all, I am nothing but lines, too.  
  


**Sconeslove2** 02:12 am: lol r u a vampire or smth

**NormalHuman** 02:12 am: May I remind you that you texted me first?  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:13 am: yeah but i'm disfunctional, what's your excuse?

**Sconeslove2** 02:13 am: btw ur so posh  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:13 am: u talk like old people

**Sconeslove2** 02:13 am: cause ur an immortal vampire

**NormalHuman** 02:14 am: I am a normal human. It literally says so in my url.  
  
And of course, I lie, too.  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:14 am: which is suspicious in itself!!!!  
  
**NormalHuman** 02:14 am: What about your url? I can honestly not believe there is another imbecile on this earth who would call himself 'Sconeslove'. So why the 2?  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:15 am: don't try to distract me!!! ur trying to seduce me aren't u  
  
**NormalHuman** 02:16 am: If I was a vampire, you would be the last person whose blood I'd drink.  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:16 am: aaaaw because u love me so much?  
  
**NormalHuman** 02:17 am: because your blood would taste disgusting, idiot

**Sconeslove2** 02:18 am: how do u kno? can u smell it.. cause ur a vampire with super senses?  
  
**NormalHuman** 02:18 am: sure. i kno exactly which smell belongs to ur blood under all the 7 billion people whose blood i can smell at the exact same time

  
Smelling every person on earth, that would be hell. It's hard enough with the person sleeping across from me every night.  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:18 am: ahjdaldakl u didn't use perfect grammar. r u tryin to get down with the kids to conceal ur vampire identity

**NormalHuman** 02:19 am: You simply don't deserve this eloquence. I don't respect you enough.  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:19 am: it's just my bad influence, isn't it

**Sconeslove2** 02:20 am: I know you're not a vampire btw

**Sconeslove2** 02:20 am: My room mate is one and he's ToTalLy different from u

**Sconeslove2** 02:20 am: TOTally

**Sconeslove2** 02:21 am: He is the epitome of evil!!!

**NormalHuman** 02:21 am: And I'm just the nicest person on the planet, aren't I?  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:21 am: well no but ur not planning my demise, r u?  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:22 am: or the downfall of literal mankind?!?!  
  
**NormalHuman** 02:22 am: Once again, it is shown how little you know about me. As a matter of fact, both of these things are on top of my priorities.

**Sconeslove2** 02:23 am: u have a list, don't u

**Sconeslove2** 02:23 am: a priority list

**Sconeslove2** 02:23 am: u seem like a person who has lots if lists

**NormalHuman** 02:24 am: Stop double texting me.  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:24 am: U FOOL

**Sconeslove2** 02:24 am: i dont just double text  
  
** Sconeslove2  ** 02:25 am: I tRIPle text

** Sconeslove2  ** 02:25 am: I QUAdriple txt

**Sconeslove2** 02:25 am: I Sixtriple text

**Sconeslove2** 02:26 am: Septribble  
  
**NormalHuman** 02:26 am: sTOP  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:26 am: Octave

**NormalHuman** 02:27 am: Go to sleep  


Sometimes it scares me how much he acts like Snow.

 

**Sconeslove2** 02:27 am: why? are u concerned for my wellbeing?

**NormalHuman** 02:27 am: no  
  
**NormalHuman** 02:27 am: It's just like you're sleep-drunk or something

**Sconeslove2** 02:28 am: hey

**Sconeslove2** 02:28 am: is there a reason you're still awake?  
  
**NormalHuman** 02:29 am: just couldn't sleep

**Sconeslove2** 02:29 am: did you have a nightmare?

 

And it's almost like somebody actually cares about me.  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:29 am: again?  
  
**NormalHuman** 02:30 am: yes

**Sconeslove2** 02:30 am: Do you want to tell me about it?  
  
**NormalHuman** 02:30 am: i'm fine

**Sconeslove2** 02:31 am: Don't lie to me

**Sconeslove2** 02:32 am: it's okay, you don't have to tell me

**Sconeslove2** 02:32 am: I just wish you were alright

**NormalHuman** 02:32 am: me too

**Sconeslove2** 02:33 am: Just imagine I'm hugging you  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:33 am: really hard

**Sconeslove2** 02:33 am: until you're not sure any more whether I'm trying to show you that I love you or trying to kill you

 

I can't remember the last time somebody hugged me like they meant it. Nobody ever touches me. Nobody dares to touch me.

 

**Sconeslove2** 02:34 am: You know, I'm sort of really good at protecting people

**Sconeslove2** 02:34 am: I'm exceptionally good at slaying monsters  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:34 am: And I'll slay your nightmares too

**Sconeslove2** 02:35 am: until you're happy again

**Sconeslove2** 02:35 am: I can be your knight in shining armour

**NormalHuman** 02:36 am: And I can be a normal guy

**Sconeslove2** 02:36 am: ha

**Sconeslove2** 02:36 am: I can't imagine anything nicer

**Sconeslove2** 02:37 am: don't worry

**Sconeslove2** 02:37 am: You and I, we can be normal guys

 

That would be nice, wouldn't it?  


**NormalHuman** 02:38 am: Promise me we'll run away together  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:38 am: of course

**Sconeslove2** 02:39 am: It'll be the cheesiest love story  


**NormalHuman** 02:40 am: I don't know a lot of love stories

**Sconeslove2** 02:40 am: How about Romeo and Juliet

**Sconeslove2** 02:40 am: You know that one for sure

 

Romeo and Juliet? Been there, done that. But of course I can't tell him that.

 

**NormalHuman** 02:41 am: You know they die in the end, right?  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:42 am: You're a vampire tho

**Sconeslove2** 02:42 am: You can't die

**NormalHuman** 02:42 am: Then I'll just lose you

**Sconeslove2** 02:42 am: Fine, then we'll be a different love story

**Sconeslove2** 02:43 am: Twilight?

**NormalHuman** 02:43 am: fuck off

**Sconeslove2** 02:44 am: You're smiling though, right?

 

I'm not smiling. I'm crying. Because this is just a dream that I'll never have. Because he doesn't know that my life is actually a pretty crappy novel, and I really do die at the end. Because he doesn't know that I'm the monster in someone else's love story. I don't reply to him for a long time.  
  
 **NormalHuman** 02:58 am: yeah

**NormalHuman** 02:58 am: I'm smiling

 

He doesn't answer me after that.

I suppose I'll try to go back to sleep, too, then. Tomorrow I'll have to return to Watford, go back to face him. But maybe it's true that one day, I'll be rid of him. (Except maybe I'm only fooling myself; maybe, in reality, I'm pretending like I'm texting Snow, and not some stranger, and that means that, actually, I'm not making any progress at all.)

The problem is that it doesn't help at all. I like  **Sconeslove2** (Though, really, scones? It's almost too ironic). But I still love Simon Snow, no matter what I do.

In a very,  _ very  _ low moment, I created a dating profile and there he was.  **Sconeslove2** , who seems to understand me better than anyone has before. Sometimes I think he's just as broken as I am, which should make me sad, but somehow only comforts me (Another indication of what a terrible human being I am. Or rather, vampire being.).

We've been talking for weeks now, yet I still don't know his name, and he doesn't know mine. I like it too much to give it up. For once, I can disguise myself as someone else.

When I arrive at Watford, I realize that I have a few new messages from  **Sconeslove2** .

  
**Sconeslove2** 01:16 pm: hey

**Sconeslove2** 01:16 pm: I'm sorry. I lied to you.  
  
**Sconeslove2** 01:17 pm: I don't think we should keep texting.

 

I stare at the messages, trying to grasp their meaning. He lied to me. I knew it. I knew he couldn't be real; that no one could ever be serious about liking me. It seems like a physical impossibility of the universe. And even though I gathered that something sketchy was going on, I can't help but feel hurt, like I can't breathe any more.

It's okay.  
I was lying, too.  
I'm not a normal guy.

He never would've liked me if he had known who I was.

It's okay.  
  
**NormalHuman** 02:23 pm: ok  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:24 pm: no I'll explain  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:24 pm: I just don't want to lead you on, ok?  
  
**NormalHuman** 02:25 pm: No it's alright

**Sconeslove2** 02:26 pm: Remember when I told you you weren't like my room mate at all?  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:26 pm: That's what I lied about. You and my room mate are actually really similar.  
  
**NormalHuman** 02:27 pm: …  
  
**NormalHuman** 02:27 pm: So you hate me?

**Sconeslove2** 02:28 pm: no

**Sconeslove2** 02:28 pm: that's just the thing

**Sconeslove2** 02:29 pm: I really really like you

**NormalHuman** 02:30 pm: Then what's the problem?  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:32 pm: The problem is that you're really similar to my room mate

**NormalHuman** 02:34 pm: ?  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:34 pm: that made me realize  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:34 pm: I think I like him

**Sconeslove2** 02:34 pm: Romantically  
  
**NormalHuman** 02:35 pm: The epitome of evil?  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:36 pm: unfortunately

**Sconeslove2** 02:36 pm: he'd kill me if he knew

**Sconeslove2** 02:37 pm: he'll kill me one day one way or another

**NormalHuman** 02:37 pm: Maybe you're wrong about that

**Sconeslove2** 02:37 pm: You aren't mad?

**NormalHuman** 02:38 pm: No

**NormalHuman** 02:38 pm: Actually, I'm in love with my room mate as well.  
  
**NormalHuman** 02:39 pm: And if your room mate is anything like me, he's really good at pretending. So your chances might be higher than you think.

**Sconeslove2** 02:40 pm: Wouldn't it be funny if we were actually room mates?  
  
**NormalHuman** 02:40 pm: That wouldn't be funny, that would be a fucking miracle.

 

I smile down at my phone. Maybe at least  **Sconeslove2** can be happy. He wouldn't have been happy with me anyway. Not once he'd met me in real life.

 

**Sconeslove2** 02:44 pm: I'm going to miss you.

**NormalHuman** 02:45 pm: Me too

**Sconeslove2** 02:46 pm: Goodbye then, vampire boy

**Sconeslove2** 02:46 pm: Thank you for helping me find myself

**NormalHuman** 02:47 pm: Just one question before you go

 

I can't help it.

 

**NormalHuman** 02:48 pm: Is your name Simon?  
  
**Sconeslove2** 02:49 pm: yes???? wtf

 

I drop the phone. I can hear the glass shattering, but I don't care. I start running. That's too many coincidences to ignore. I make my way up the steps and only stop shortly in front of our door. Then I take a breath and open the door, my heart fluttering nervously.

Simon is lying on the bed, his phone in hand. He doesn't even have the time to look up before I've snatched the phone out of his hand.

The chat is still open.

**Sconeslove2** to  **NormalHuman** .

I'm a fucking idiot.

“Hey, give that back!” Snow shouts, but I ignore him and scroll through the chat to convince myself it's still there. Snow stands up and tries to take the phone from me, but I push him away.  
“I like him,” I hiss. “Romantically. That's what you said.”  
Now he recoils and blushes.  
“I – I -”   
I won't listen to his stammering. I push him against the door with my arm and hold him there.

“Did you mean it?”  
He avoids my gaze. I press harder. This is important.

“Did you say it just to mess with me?”  
And he looks up. He looks scared, but I can't tell what of.

“No,” he whispers. I hold his gaze. He doesn't look away.

He's telling the truth. I can tell. It's a lot harder to lie in real life than online.

“You like me?” I ask stiffly.

“Yes,” he mutters and drops his gaze.

“So... You're **NormalHuman**?”

“Yeah.”  
“Weird that that's the name you would give yourself...”  
“What? Because I'm a vampire?”  
My gaze is dark, and he looks up at me again.

“No... Because you're the most extraordinary human I've ever met.”

“I didn't lie to you about my room mate.”  
He looks at me sheepishly and I see that he's trying to hide a smile.

“So we both like our room mates.”  
“A miracle...”  
“It is a bit funny though, isn't it?”  
I smile at him.  
“Yeah... It is.”

 


End file.
